therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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