I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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