i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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