im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
