'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
