Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
