Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
