he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
