I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
