wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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