Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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