OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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