You really coming over, don't trick.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
