I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
