im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
