I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
