You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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