Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
