a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you like me you must not know who I am
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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