After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
