Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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