its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
