2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
