just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
