Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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