My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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