does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
