I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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