Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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