walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
