Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Enjoy the penises
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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