I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
