Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
