I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
