this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize