you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We were destined to go to rehab together
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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