Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Vodka?
Forever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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