omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
