dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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