Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
