I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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