I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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