I think I won the penis lottery.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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