Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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