I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize