my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
