those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
