i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
