just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
