I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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