Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
