i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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