Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
