Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

...so i touched it.

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(760): View more from California

Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?

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(816): View more from Missouri

I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.

(417): View more from Missouri

I'm going for alcohol poisoning.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?

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(913): View more from Kansas

Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome

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(214): View more from Texas

L'Shannah Tovah!

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Whats that? My new stripper name?

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken

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