just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
