I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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