Plan B is the new Plan A
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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