my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have fence marks all over my body
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
