my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
