Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
