you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
