great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
