I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
