I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
