it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize