wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
