Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I could make wine with my vomit
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
