No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
