her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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