She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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