That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
